Episode 72. Awareness

Weird thoughts, delusions of my son have been at least supressed for the time being. We have a better relatonship with my son.

And the thing I have realised is my sons still need as much love as if they were little children. My mum needs the same as well. I will resist against all the difficulties of the life circumstances and go on to back up them with more understanding and love. I hope to heal them all in this way.

Still with no desire to work or make a living on his own, my elder son waits for a miracle for a better life.

I am now certain that he is terribly ill. I am conscious about the fact we are in and I am trying to find some strategies to have a better life together. I know that his behaviours, attitudes towards me are not because he doesnt respect or love me but because that is all he can do.

Almost 30 years later I realised that I had been married to a man with psychological problems till he died. I had always blamed myself or alcohol as things werent going well during our marriage.

How bad, how sad had I felt each time! I had tried to resolve the problems, thinking that any married couple could experience them. I didnt even think a while that the extraordinary situations, his unusual behaviours could be the result of some personality disorders.

Had I known his situation, I wouldnt have at least tried to deal with the nonsense thoughts in my mind. I would have accepted the situation in time and perhaps would have taken an action or done something else to change my way.

Now I certainly knew that he had been aware of himself but didnt tell me. Is it fair?

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