Episode 71. No More Changes

Life is going on steadily. Nothing changes but at least not hazardous. The meds helped me a lot. It repressed the unexpected disasters, such as fights, fractures, brusies, accidents, fines, aggression, violence, too much desire for alcohol,..

He is sometimes like a baby, sometimes innocent with no real perception, understanding the reality, sometimes rude because of not having the feeling of empathy and still living in his imaginary world.

I have always tried to help everyone in the family. I have sometimes, even mostly, ignored myself and my children but always tried to do all the things to make my dad and mum happy for years. We have been living together for 30 years. And this is the first time I have asked her to do something. I said to her again and again that she shouldnt interfere the relationship between me and the children and she should be careful about the words while speaking. She has never listened to me or cared about me. Isnt it worth doing at least for my sake?

Last night she shouted him again and told him to leave the house and never to come back. I got so furious that I burst into tears and I couldnt help taking the control of how to respond and I uttered all the things those I generated inside my heart and mind all the years long.

Later I felt really unhappy in order for the words I had. She is in fact really strong that she went on to behave as if nothing had happened. She cant imagine how I get sorry for a long time when she reminds the trouble I have again and again every day. I wish could make things better but nothing works.

Today I took her to hospital for an imaging. Everything went well. All the way long I again listened about how nasty, how lazy my children were.

 

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