Last night before I went to bed, I had a different feeling of gratitude to God. I thought I was healthy, I had two great sons. They were at least physically healthy and I loved them so much. As to our circumstances, they were better than the ones those many people had. There were also many people suffering from different worse conditions like health problems or poverty. Together with my weaknesses I had some strong sides and so on. When I think in this way, I gain strength and resistance to the things life offers to me. I suppose it is the point the therapist try to divert me to. Hope it to be a permanent state of mind.
But all night long my mum was screaming and suffering from the pain caused by bone degenaration because of aging and the cancer. No injections worked to ease the pain this time.
I again try to appreciate everything I have. I will also try to see the difficulties as opportunities.
Everything I complain about might be in the way I would like to have. But what if I experienced worse flow of life. Nobody knows what will bring a better luck.
Nowadays my son is in a better condition. Although the main delusion still exists, he might not be able to develop others and he might not be dealing with difficulties he imagined any more . He is making jokes and he seems happy. This also makes me feel better.
I have had so many busy moments, worrying processes about planning our family life for future. Now everything seems to be futile except for health, happiness, love. In the past I used to think these concepts as only words but now I consider them as concepts to be filled in by living meaningfully.
I only wonder whether my sons will improve better or not but nothing else!