Episode-40 Were he to be so cruel?

Were he to be so cruel?

Violence do his words contain.

“I will murder someone!”

“I will beat you one day.”

I am not sure whether he will do such a mad thing one day or not.

But these words of his make me so mad that honestly I sometimes wish he would commit such an attitude one day that I could call the police and take him to the hospital.

(Are these abnormal thoughts?

Should a mother have such kind of feelings?)

This would be the only way to try medical treatment. Otherwise never would he accept it.

Is his delusion a mechanism for defence to his being unemployed or unwillingness to have a job or the bleated mourning syndrome ?_ I am not sure.

Always am I in despair! It is challenging not to be rebellious to everything I am exposed to in life.

Today I mended his shirts. I knew he had broken off all the knots on the shirts in time of anger. I hadnt sewn the knots for a long time.

I wonder if he should think over or remember how violently he had acted at times to make things mess when he brought them and wanted me to sew them back. I had nothing to do but say “OK” to sew the knots back on the shirt.

I also wonder if he regrets behaving in such a manner or making people unhappy?

Isnt he really aware of his manners?

It makes me mad to work like a servant in the house.

Cooking, doing the laundry, ironing … so on.

I am fed up with not being seen by others in the house. I also need to be cared for. Time passes by and I would like to have a better life. At least a quiet, peaceful one.

Tonight he spoke about the same things.

To him, I was still

keeping the truth back from him. His deceased dad was alive, he was in pursuit of finding him somewhere in the city. Crazy so crazy were his unshakeable delusions.

I am afraid, my younger son is going to be affected badly too. As they share the same room, he is always exposed to his mad thoughts. I dont know how to keep him away from his imaginary stories.

1 thought on “Episode-40 Were he to be so cruel?

  1. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

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