Episode-33 I am the Writer of these blog pages, His Mum

I am the Writer of these blog pages, His Mum:

Alright, everything about me could be understood and I can try hard to realise and be aware of my own insight ..etc.That is Ok. I dare to write as “me”, “myself”.

Is it going to make any changes in my life?:

Being aware of the fact that I dont know much about my own personality, traits and how to respond to the real life or other stuff will sort out any of my sufferings at least for the time being or not.

I still strive to get rid of the pain I have.

I feel my heart aches .

I feel as if something is shattered inside me or taken away from me.

Could I have done so many wrong deeds or commitments ?

Does God punish me so severely!

I cant even breathe when I see him so pitiless, without mercy or hear his insulting words.

The car is at the mechanic’s for a week. It was his fault but he doesnt accept this and says ” I know who does this evil.”

Guess who ? – his deceased father. This delusion is the most unbearable one than ever.

Who can make a reasonable explanation?

As he feels good when he drives, it is for about two weeks that my son is so agressive.

He asks for money. He looks down on the money given to him with difficulty from the limited family budget.

I cant even pay my debts regularly but I have to find a certain amount of money to give him.

He goes out and comes back whenever he likes.

He is often back in a bad-tempered mood.

He is rude, cruel, nasty. Shouting, he asks me to bring his meal to his room.

Should I ease the situation?

If I react in the same way as he does, I cant guess what happens next.

Yet, I dont have the chance to shout at him as much as I can as grannies will get disturbed.

I feel like I’m in a circle running around but no way out.

I still try not to let my mood be down by going on the daily routine as if nothing went wrong in real life.

I also deeply wonder how long I will be bearing these cruel circumstances.

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